The Single Disease

“How’s your love life?”

What a great question…

Said no single person ever. I mean come on, it’s awkward enough to answer when you are in a relationship. You might as well just add a slap in the face if you’re single. Translation: How many dates have you not been on? How many people don’t want you?

If the only kisses you are getting are from a furry, four-legged slobber-mouth, I’ve been there.

For a long time, my identity was a game of Jenga. The players, no pun intended, were those I gave my heart (or body) to. Significant others would come and go, and each time one left I got shakier and more unstable. I would quickly try to fill the gaps by adding someone else onto my rickety foundation. When circumstances finally left me standing on my own, I collapsed.

Slowly and graciously the Lord rebuilt my heart and identity by showing me what it means to be completely dependent on Him. It isn’t always easy though, that’s for sure. Satan loves to try to exploit a season of singleness. He wants to see an opportunity for growth turned into defeat.

5 Lies About Being Single and Some Truth That Helped Me

Lie #1: “I am undesirable; I am not good enough.”

The world wants us to fall into the comparison trap.

If only I looked more like her…
If only I could have what he has…

Comparison is a slippery slope that never leads to measuring up.

The reality is that we were created in God’s image. Our worth is determined by the One who made us, which means we are free from the burden of having to earn or prove our value. God says we are fearfully and wonderfully made, and we are so valuable to Him that He went to extraordinary lengths to have a relationship with us. He handcrafted each of us on purpose, with a purpose, for a purpose.

As I look back at all the times I let singleness equal worthlessness, I realize God was actually protecting me by keeping the wrong people from “wanting” me back. I know, I know – I used to hate hearing that from people. I am guilty of slinging it out here, but I wouldn’t be able to unless I had real experience with it and knew it to be true.

Lie #2: “If I had someone, I would be happier and feel better about myself.”

Whatever or whoever you give the power to make you, you also give the power to break you.

An identity attached to someone else valuing you is a fragile one. God wants to be the defining factor of our self-worth and the source of our happiness. This way, whoever He places in our lives to love us can add to our fulfilled hearts rather than fill them for us.

Lie #3: “I need someone.”

We all do, and His name is Jesus. If you are feeling empty, you’re not the only one. We all have a void that needs to be filled. Coming from someone who has tried to fill it with anything and everything this world has to offer multiple times, I can wholeheartedly say Jesus is the only One who can provide a lasting, true fulfillment that cannot be taken or shaken.

Lie #4: “I will never find real love.”

I sat in this discouraging thought a lot. It’s easy to base our hopes on what’s happening around us, isn’t it? In a world where people let us down and society is saturated with a crumbling definition of love, I have certainly believed the lie that real love could never happen for me.

Relationships are supposed to mirror God’s beautiful creation of love.

Who better to lead you to love than the creator of love Himself? (1 John 4:7-8).

Lie #5: “God is holding out on me.”

God is a good Father who only gives good gifts. Why would He send His only son to die for us if He had a heart to deprive us? That is not God’s character! We are precious to Him, and He wants to give us more than we could ever ask for or imagine, in all areas of life (Matthew 7:11 and Isaiah 43:4).

Until we fully grasp and accept the love God has for us, we can’t wholly love or be loved.

God shows us what it looks like to be both the pursuer and the pursued.

The world’s definition of being wanted is based on how many people desire a part of you. Why is that something to strive for? Why is that something we seek out to create a sense of self-worth?

When our identity is based on who we are in Christ, we can confidently step into who God has created us to be and hold tight to the value that comes from being purchased with the highest price ever paid.

“And because you belong to Christ you are complete, having everything you need. Christ is ruler over every other power and authority.” Colossians 2:10

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